Retail Wednesdays!

So my sis and I are having this thing called RETAIL WEDNESDAYS! (Insert the Price is Right clapping and cheering.)

These people are not real. Do not trust them!

And I wasn't going to do a post today, because I am LAME and trying to write query letters that don't suck like potatoes, but now I've eaten so much sugar my fingers are shaking and I didn't even have coffeee! Wheee! My siter made muddy buddies which are amazing and good and chocolate and peanut butter and powdered sugar!!! Sugar!!!

Mmmmm...

Okay. Yes. I am going to tell you some sort of story now, because that is the whole point of this post. Isn't it? But I'm having a hard time thinking because all I can think of is running around like some crazy person hyped up on sugar. (Maybe because I AM a crazy person hyped up on sugar.)

Okay, this isn't hyped up, but there is a whole lot of ridiculous hype over high heels.

Aha! That's better! That's one crazy person :) Hoorah!

Today's Highlight: 100 Dollar Bills.

Seriously, people, there needs to be a societal etiquette regarding the usage of 100 Dollar Bills. A long time ago when I worked at Staples a man came in fifteen minutes after we opened. He walked around for two minutes, grabbed a two dollar item, slammed it down on the counter. I am still bleary-eyed, slowly swaying as I tell myself to "wake up, wake up."

This might as well have been me. 'Cept as a woman. I am no man.

So I scan this old man's items. I make very little eye contact cause I'm just hoping to be able to get the two dollar item into the plastic bag, but it's looking a little fuzzy. So I go very slowly, very carefully, and VICTORY! The two dollar item makes it into the bag. Huzzah! I smile, hit the 'Total' button and stare up at the old man.

"That'd be two dollars and sixteen cents."

The old man waves a hundred dollar bill in my face, slaps it on the counter, and waits.

"Kind sir, do you happen to have a smaller bill? I do not have change for a hundred."

"Yes."

I stare at the man. He stares back at me. I realize that this happens a lot in my life, but I wait patiently for an answer, because there is no one else in the story except for the manager who's in the back, the creepy cleaning guy, and some dude who's hiding in the aisles hoping that he doesn't actually have to work. So I wait, still trying to tell myself to wake up.

"So you have a smaller bill than a hundred?"

"Yes," says the snarky man, "but I want to use the hundred."

Good for you, I want to punch you in the fafe! I do not say this. Instead I say, "Sorry sir, but I don't have change for a hundred."

"I don't care!"

"Dude," I lost my thin veil of professionalism here, "I am so not calling my manager to get me change when you have a smaller bill." He grumbles at me, gives me a five, and huffs off once I give him his change. Well, excuse me Mr. Snarky Old Man, next time I'll make sure I give you the thing for free, just to make yo life easier.

"I Don't Want to give you no smaller bill."

THEN the other day this woman gives me a hundred dollar bill for a fifteen dollar order.

Right lady, because I have change for a hundred, despite the fact that I opened eight minutes early since you were banging on the door and frowning like an eternal ray of frowndom.

Instead, I think i should have the right to chuck her over my shoulder, carry her to the nearest dump, and throw her in with the bags of garbage, just to show her how offensive she is. Seriously, unless you spend $46.30 or more, do not give me no hundred dollar bill in the moning. Or else I will find the etiquette police and make them hunt you down like the fish you are.. . >:)

Don't call the etiquette police!

Too late.

"If only he had used a twenty!"