Sunday, February 14, 2010

Why Retail is Sucking Away My Soul Part II

Here comes the long-awaited second part of retail, and this part is the oh-so-abused and forgotten cashier. How does retail affect a cashier? Well, let's see...

1. It makes you immune to people's sob stories:

Women: But I couldn't come within a month to return this bent up, ripped up, book because my daughter died of cancer!

Daughter: (eyes rolling) Mom, I'm you're only daughter.

Me: Riiiight

He is wise and does not believe the sob story

2. It makes you second guess people

Me: Uh, lady, are you SURE you just bought this yesterday?

Lady: Yes.

Me: Then why is this reciept dated to five years ago?

More like 50 years ago...

Scenario two:

Man: I'd like to return this.

Me: Dude, you already returned ten things this month. Besides, once you open electronics we're not supposed to return them.

Man: Uh, uh, then my wife can return it.

How dare you accuse me, you cashier you

3. It leaves you speechless when usually you could come up with a witty response:

Is speechlessness synonymous with mimes? I know fire is.

Customer: Oh! You have such small hands! You don't see those anymore.

Me: ... (stunned silence. Do I say thank you? Do I stare at her? Do I slap her with a fish?)

4. It makes you forget what Holidays and Snow Days mean:

Me: What? You get holidays AND snow days off? Wait. What is the Fourth of July again? I haven't celebrated it for so long.

(And as my co-worker says about working on Labor Day: "Oh, the irony.")

Notice the beans. I really have worked a lot of holidays. I forgot about the famous "Bean Day"

5. It erases weekends into oblivion

This is TOTAL OBLIVION. *shrugs* Don't look at me, I didn't decide that. Ask Google.

Friend: Would you like to sleep-over on friday night? It's the weekend!

Me: (staring) Weekends still exist? I never knew...


Okay. I'm gonna' need to divide this in two, so for now that's all. Toodle-oo!


SonshineMusic said...

I only know about "bean day" because it is a national holiday, which means kids have off of school, which means that every parent within a hundred mile radius will drop their children off. Ooh... I feel my own post coming on...

VW: istion - The act of simply being

AchingHope said...

Ooh, ooh... Yes! Post about Bean Day! We will all cheer!


I will cheer anyway.

And maybe my pet Slinky.