Monday, February 22, 2010

Drastic!

Last night I received a most ominous text from Sonshine:

"Evil has entered the house while you were gone and I am sore afraid."

I responded thus:

"Did Evil Blam penetrate my defenses?"

I was thinking this because I had recently been threatening his kittens, or some such nonsense, and when Sonshine did not respond, I assumed the worst.

My assumption of the worst was not even close to how completely terrible it truly was. (And, thankfully, it did not involve EB. Looking back I feel kinda' bad about assuming he did anything terrible, for he did defend my honor as a woman-child.)

When I opened my door to my room I found a piece of paper lying on my table:

The WORST!

Gasp! Moondark Evil! Sonshine's greatest nemesis! She has stolen the giftcard that Falen most graciously gave to me. Today I responded with my own piece of paper:

The Ransom Response Note

I am afraid that I may offend MoonDark, for although you cannot see it well in the above picture, I did the best I could to let MoonDark know how angry I am with her. I said such things as:

"Eat this flower, because then you will choke on it and die!"
"Swarm of poisonous piffer bugs!"
"Some bunny loves you: but not me >:("

And:


Not only did I leave these things in a secluded area, I also included this:

The Bunny is holding chocolate bunnies

Awww... Look at that bunny. He is so courageous, being left for MoonDark Evil.

So cute!

I named him Benjamin Bunny. I know! I'm not supposed to get attached. He will probably be devoured tonight.


So far away and helpless. Still smiling and happy. *Sniffle* I am a murderer.

You will pay for this, MoonDark Evil! Oh, you will pay.

9 comments:

Your Friendly Neighborhood Palindrome said...

I too thought of Evil Blam when Sonshine mention "evil." hmmm, weird.

That's horrible!! Someone once kidnapped the giant bear my aunt kept on her patio and put the ransom note in the local paper. They posted pictures for weeks of him in various places around the country. She finally raised enough money to get him back but he's been scarred for life.

I hope you get your gift card back and your REVENGE!!

*if you need help seeking said revenge, I know some people.

Falen said...

Palindrome, did that really happen? And also, Achinghope, she does know people and one of them takes her to a shooting range (*nods seriously*).
I was so worried something like this would happen to the card. I should have sent it to a secret location and emailed you the map

Falen said...

also i swear that i checked to see if you and Sonshine had blogs and for some reason i did not find any so now i feel terrible that i haven't been following you guys because i think you're hilarious. So i'm rectifying that RIGHT NOW and i apologize for the lateness. I will also be added you to my blogroll. Because again, HILarious!

Your Friendly Neighborhood Palindrome said...

And yes, that really happened.

AchingHope said...

@Palindrome: That is hardly believable. I'm not sure whether to gawk or laugh hysterically. Or cry for the poor teddy bear *shakes head in sympathy*

And it is always nice to have connections. Especially connections with guns! :D

@Falen: Oh, no need to apologize. I'm sure that our blog links were just hiding from you in some epic hide-and-seek game. I feel so special to be on your blog roll. Squee!

Joan Crawford said...

This is very exciting! And scary! How are you going to trap Moondark Evil? A basket of kittens with a "Free Lunch" sign should work. It will at least draw Evil Blam and he'll probably know how to exact revenge.

@Palindrome -They posted pictures for weeks of him in various places around the country.

Really?! Thbbt..thbbt..BWAHAHAHA!

Sorry! I am so sorry. I can't help myself.

Moon Dark Evil said...

So AchingHope thinks she can try to push around the great and powerful MoonDark Evil?

Did she not notice the ominous nature of the note - not a single jot of which was in actual handwriting? Did she not wonder if perhaps there were no hands to do the writing? Did she not wonder what was there in place of hands if there were no hands to do the writing?

Does she really think that empty threats such as sending "piffer bugs" after me would work? I eat piffer bugs as after dinner mints!

And your offering was suspect as well... the bunny was not breathing. However, there was not only chocolate, but chocolate in the shape of bunnies. So perhaps I can overlook this inadequacy.

I think I shall keep the gift card for one more day just to show you that I fear your threats not even a little bit! Mwa hahahaha

And Palindrome shares the sacred story of my clan. We all hope to rival the true genius of the teddy snatcher. And I scoff at your knowledge of people. I too know "people" and they would make your nightmares have nightmares

VW: Chingn - one of those "people" I know. He likes to kidnap facial features.

Falen said...

MDE - Kidnapping facial features is one of the most awesome things i've read today. I could totes write a creepy fairy-tale about Chingn (you know, the kind that scares adults more than children...) Yes... i can see it happening now...

Your Friendly Neighborhood Palindrome said...

@AchingHope- It was an event well-coordinated, what can I say?
And yes, I shrink not from guns because guns don't kill people, bullets kill people. REMEMBER THAT.

@Joan- Yes. It's one of those crazy stories that one really believes but it's true. If I can find the original newspaper ad, I will post it.

@Evil- I laugh in the face of danger and shake my naked ass in the face of EVIL. And I force my subconscious to produce every nightmare imaginable every night, so I'm well prepared. In the words of an unsuspecting bus starer (see blog post about the P.T.), bring it.