Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Retail Wednesdays! Or Why You Shouldn't Show Me Your Laptop

Wow, this week I actually had ridiculous people come into the store! I was getting all excited when I was telling my dad that yesterday, and then paused, wondering if there's something wrong with me. *shrugs* Probably. Ah, well.

There are always disturbing things you overhear while working as a cashier. Such as hearing this conversation:

Lady: Hey! Don't you have a necklace like this?
Other Lady: Yes.
Lady: Didn't that guy give it to you? You know...
Other Lady: Oh, you mean the one that tried to seduce me?
Lady: Shh! We're in the Christian Store! You can't say seduce!

First off, there is just no right way to respond to this. Either you duck behind the counter for a quick chuckle, or you just stare in their general direction trying to decide if you want to hear the story behind the comment, or if it's better not to know.

Second off, have you ever heard of Song of Solomon? If that's in the myriad of Bibles on our shelves, I'm pretty sure you can use the word seduce without me going all righteous bananas on you.

Oh my bananas, that's a lot a' bananas

But probably one of the most disturbing things (and it's partially disturbing because I hear it SO SO often) is this:

Me: The total is ____ (fill in blank with random number)
Customer: (handing me a credit card) Here, try this one.

I never want to actually take the credit card from them after that. If you're so afraid to use the credit card because you might not have enough for a fifteen dollar order...

Me: (handing it back) Sorry, it was declined.
Customer: Here, try this one.

*Minutes later after trying fifteen credit cards*

Customer: Can I write you a check?

No. No you may not.

I know there's a witty remark in here somewhere, but I can't find it.

To top it all off I will now get to the Laptop Guy.

Tah-dah!

It was nearing the end of my shift, my co-worker and I were having a grand ol' time talking about something or other. It could've been about religion, politics, writing, books... Point is, it didn't matter what we were talking about because a customer walked in and came over. Have you ever had the experience where you are working with another co-worker, a customer walks up, and the customer proceeds (for a slightly awkward amount of time) to look first at you, then at the co-worker, then at you, then at the co-worker... Repeat twenty times. As if they're trying to decide which one of you will be more adept at helping them. (Although, I have had customers I TRY to make eye contact with, but they ignore me completely, instead going up to my co-worker who is busy eating lunch. Uh? I guess I just look too stupid to help you?)

The guy finally stops darting his eyes back and forth. "I bought this a couple a' days ago," plops down a piece of software on the counter, "and it's not loading properly." My co-worker and I kinda' stare at him a little bit. Then we explain to him that we can't help (strangely enough I'm not good with computers, which is weird since I work at a book store). So he asks for the manager. Yeah. Our manager is not really into technology. We explain to the customer that the manager probably cannot help me, and that he'd be better off contacting the manufacturer.

This is what the guy musta' been feeling
Weird... I was feeling the same way only NOT about computers

"I tried," the man grumbles, "but there wasn't any phone number." Then he stood there. For five minutes. While my co-worker and I made lame little noises. Well, I made lame noises because I didn't want to say anything stupid, and my co-worker explained our return policies. Eventually he left with our business card in tow.

Curious, my co-worked and I looked up the manufacturers website. No, there wasn't a phone number. But there was e-mail, a FAQ page, an instant messaging tech service, a forum... Plenty of help right there, little buddy.

And the best part? He came in toting his laptop. Yup. Tucked right under his arm. No bag, no dangling cords, just his big ol' hunk a laptop. Yup. Cause we coulda' just turned on your laptop and loaded it right up fer ya.

Oh wait, I think you're looking for Best Buy down the street.

8 comments:

isaiah26mom said...

Yes, we have no bananas... That's what the grocer said after they dumped his order. Boo, bad joke. Anyway, here I am stalking you. I must. I must. You are too funny! You make me laugh!

verification word: strisess - the process of drawing stripes?

Falen said...

haha! The seduce comment was awesome!

Caledonia Lass said...

You know, there are times I miss being a cashier. Just times though.
I used to have men come into the Texaco I worked at and get a bunch of stuff. When asked if they would like a bag, I was often told, "No, she's in the car."
Hmm... I'd stare at them, then hold out my hand after they already paid. They'd look at me funny. I told them, "Now see, I have to charge a Mean Tax of $50." Hehe!
Oh and if someone comes in next time and says the software doesn't load properly and they don't want to use the website, tell them to go home, wash it in WARM water with a MILD soap (dish soap is just fine) and dry it with a towel, then try loading it again.
I used to work tech support. :D
(If that doesn't work, I'd suggest they stop using the computer, because if they are going to be that impatient... well geez. Kidding!)

AchingHope said...

@my-weirdo-mother: Haha! I love how you jump right in with the verification word and everything. You are super mom!

@Falen: It was definitely NOT what i expected to hear.

@Caledonia Lass: gfk... She's in the car??? What does that even mean? Wait. I don't wanna know.

SonshineMusic i.e. Rebecca T. said...

I love how people assume that if you work in a store than you know EVERYTHING there is to know about EVERYTHING you sell. pfft... silly peoples

Teebore said...

Customer: Can I write you a check?

No. No you may not.


Classic.

I love the people that, anytime a book isn't ringing up quickly (like you have to manually type the ISBN or whatever) and they always ALWAYS make the joke "guess it must be free, huh?"

Yes, moron, because that's how it works. Also, you certainly are the first person to EVER make that joke, and here's some magic beans I'd like to sell you.

AchingHope said...

@Sonshine: WAIT! You don't know everything about everything? My hopes are shattered.

@Teebore: Haha... here's some magic beans I'd like to sell you. Ahahahahaha... Or the customers that always make the joke about the hundred dollar bills, when I'm checking to make sure they're real. "Yes, I just made those this morning." I have stopped chuckling fakely and just sort of sigh at people now.

Palindrome said...

LOL! I love when people offer to pay with a check when all their cards have been declined.