Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Retail Wednesdays!

Okay, okay, I was going to miss another week, but then I found out that Palindrome was having difficulties getting out of bed because of the lack of retail posts, so here ya go:
This pretty much says it all.

1st Crazy Lady:

All right. A couple of weeks ago we had this real crazy lady come in. She couldn't speak good English, and I had to keep asking her to repeat herself because not only could she not speak English very well, but her communication abilities were nigh near zero. Finally I was able to determine that she needed a Bible cover so I herded her over to the Bible covers. She then proceeded to ask ME what size Bible cover she needed.

Me: Uh... I don't know. It is your Bible.

Lady: But what size?

Me: What size is your Bible?

We, sadly, do not have Bible Covers this cool-looking

She gives me a look, clearly thinking I am the crazy one. Once she finally picks out a Bible cover she wants to see the kid section. That's fine, I'm about to lead her over there when I realize she has left her baby in it's baby-carrying-case by the door. "You need to bring the baby with you," my co-worker says, saving me from screaming at the lady. And you want to know the brilliant words of this crazy lady?

"Oh. I thought if I left him in the sunlight he would be fine."

!!!??????????? What is wrong with you?!!!

This baby was not left in direct sunlight, making it disappear

Finally, baby in tow, I show her the kid section. We don't have what she wants so we have to go back to the front of the store. She almost leaves her baby alone, AGAIN (and this time there ain't no sunlight for excuses.)

"You're going to have to bring the baby with you."

She gets all flustered, maybe afraid I'm going to call Child Protection (it was tempting). She brings the poor child with her (who is somehow sleeping through all this) and I take her to the front. Then I take her back to the kid section. Then I hear a giant banging of the door and a guy with poor English starts shouting for his wife. My co-workers and I are in such a rush to get this crazy lady out of the store that we accidentally ring something up wrong.

She calls fifteen minutes later. To complain.

I apologize to her profusely, explaining that things like this happen, and that we'll do what we can to fix it. She keeps demanding to know who exactly rang her up and I keep refusing, explaining that I was the one to help her. She asks who messed up again so she can "tell somebody about this" (there is nobody to tell, because nobody cares.) I tell her it doesn't matter. She hangs up, complaining about how far away she lives and how inconvenient blah blah blah.

Curious I look up her name on our mailing list. Yup.

"I live so far away!" she said.

Uh, try five minutes, maybe ten if you drive really, really slow.

This is where she thought she lived
(Ooh, and I found this pic on a website with lotsa pretty pics, so feel free to check it out)

2nd Crazy Lady:

I pick up the phone (because it was ringing and that's usually what one does when a phone is ringing) and it's some lady talking about a reciept and a return and a credit. My boss was there and he gets to deal with §happy things like that, so I handed him the phone. But I was curious, so I listened in while I "organized CD's."

I didn't look like this when I was skulking around, but I kinda' wish I did
Look at his sweet weapons and headgear!

She had ordered something over the phone, and then canceled said order over the phone, and was calling because the credit had never shown up on her credit card bill. But the best part? Get this: She had waited a year to call and tell us about this.

I had to use this because it's a Year With Frog and Toad
AND it's the Cookie Song!

Um, it's too late lady. After a year there is no proof that you bought something in our store. We are very small. Very, very, small. Plus, you gotta' talk to your credit card people too, not just us. She didn't seem to understand this because my boss had to repeat himself. Four times. It could've been more, but I quickly ran to the front, in case I started guffawing madly.

Aha, how appropriate!

Third Crazy Lady)

We have these little inspirational stones. They come in pretty little bags. A lady comes up with a stone and a bag (they always bring them up separate, and not one person has brought up the two combined) I put the inspirational stone into the cute bag. The cute bag has a hole in it. So I grab her a new bag.

"Excuse me, but I was trying to get a bag that wasn't wrinkled."

"Okay, but they're all wrinkled, because they're made out of wrinkeld fabric."

She doesn't answer me. Hm. I'm starting to say what I'm actually thinking to customers. This could end very badly, if I don't get out soon.

I don't remember what her stone said, but I sure hope it was this one

And for now that is all.
Oh! I just realized! The font changed. And it's in the font I am using for my current WIP (current meaning: this week I decided to work on...) How did it transfer into blogger? Ahk! It must be trying to call me to come back and work on it. Agh, I'm coming. What do you think I am, your slave?

Oh. Sorry. Gotta' run.


SonshineMusic said...

That is the best I Can has Cheezeburger picture.

And I didn't know babies needed sunlight like plants. *tucks information away for future*

I love that she wanted to tell "someone" about it. Since that someone would be you. Or maybe your boss.

And I LoVe when people wait extraordinary amounts of time before bringing up a mischarge or something. Ha. Like there's anything we can do about it now.

Palindrome said...

oh, good. I can go to work tomorrow and not get fired.

I love that you have multiple crazy lady stories. Were they old crazy ladies? Were they?! I must know!!!!

I caught your sarcastic sign but I haven't been able to duplicate it. I was using my phone when I first found it. *sigh*

Falen said...

maybe she was from denmark? they let their babies stay out in their carriers outside of stores. Because, luckily for them, they don't have a lot of problems with people stealing children. And also they believe the cold fresh air does them good.

VW: Blisto - what you get on your skin after you deal with crazies

Joan Crawford said...

Great post as always! I don't know about that crazy lady with the baby but I do know that in Iceland - leaving your baby - outside in front of the store, in a pram is the norm. I know! My friend and I were walking by and we see all these prams and I go "Woah, those are nice, they shouldn't leave them there!" and my friend jokes "Yeah, especially since there are babies in them" We walk by them and there were! Three little babies all bundled up and sleeping while their moms sat inside and had coffee. You see prams in front of all the stores. It was a huge culture shock for me (In N.America women have CPS called on them if they leave a child in the car while they put away a grocery cart now), to say the least but it is much safer there. I could never do it but it was nice to see they are so safe there that they can.

Teebore said...

It was a parade of crazy ladies!

I LOVE the people who ask the retailer for specific info only the customer knows. I once argued with a lady for at least five minutes about why I couldn't tell her the exact size battery she needed for her book (it was one of those kids books with sounds effects along the side) without, you know, opening up the battery case and seeing what batteries were in there.

mountainmouse14 said...

Eee! Crazy baby abandoning lady. I had forgotten about that. Poor kid. Made for an awesome facebook status, though.

Honestly, though, retail is the most ridiculous thing in the world.

AchingHope said...

@Sonshine: I know! I have no idea what people are thinking... Oh wait, they're not thinking.

@Palindrome: Strangely, no. They were all like in their early forties, which isn't even old.

@Falen & Joan: First off, that is just a little but of crazy. Second off, um... I'm pretty sure Asian people don't come from Denmark or Iceland, but I don't know how to say that tactfully. I don't know. Do they do the whole pram thing in Asian countries too?

@Teebore: Haha, yes! Next time they should walk in with their own band music, just to complete things.

@Mountianmouse: Ohmygoodness, how many good facebook status have we gotten from this crazy store?