Scones. They look innocent enough. Harmless even.
I mean, look at them. Sugary delights, almost bread-like in their make-up. Delicious little crumbles of nuts broken in. Deliciousity at its best. (Other than chocolate croissants.)
And yet hiding under its sweet demeanor the lusciousness of scones harbors a great secret that adumbrates the world. (Adumbrate meaning, obviously, to cast shadows on)
No. Not aliens. The answer is one big scary word: Commitment. Recently, well... semi-recently I was at a Christmas Eve service and there were scones sitting on a table. Squealing, I clapped my hands, hopped over, and picked up a scrumptious scone, looking a little bit like an excited wombat.
I eat scones every day!
I had been wanting one for ages, so I was quite eager to start gobbling one up. One of my friends standing nearby commented how he was surprised I had eaten it. I asked him why and he said it was because no one else had. I couldn't imagine why anyone would not want to eat a scone, but he explained that it's quite a commitment, eating a giant scone. It's easy to eat a leg of a gingerbread man...
...but to eat a whole scone, you really have to be committed to the task. Which led me to a great discovery. Easily as great as the discoveries of Newton, Einstein, Robert O. Nesheim, and others. Scones are a reflection of Americans issues with commitment. If Americans are terrified of eating a scone:
then how are Americans going to be able to stay married, stay at jobs without faxing in their resignation (true story). Blogs will go on without ever being posted on, TV shows will have three episodes before the directors etc. will give up. Politicians will stop being committed to their representatives within hours of being elected. The world will be in utter chaos!
Hence the solution that I have come up with: everyone should love scones. They should eat them with fervor. Should kiss them:
Okay. Maybe not kiss, but there should be affable feelings towards scones instead of terror. And this, my friends, will bring about world peace.
P.S. I have to thank my blog-friend Joan Crawford who has seriously inspired me in my blogging journal. And she's made me laugh my nose off, so that just shows you that she's made of awesomesauce.