Thursday, October 14, 2010

Theatre Thursday

Yes! Here I am again! Whoo... Two weeks in a row. How exciting. The blog is definitely a little less dusty now.

Today we are going to talk about...

Phones! and conversations thereon. As a company that runs almost entirely on phones, there were quite a few to choose from.

It doesn't matter how big the phone is,
the customer can still be a bigger stupid thing.

1) The Weirdest Phone Call:

This happened to a co-worker of mine. She loves cats so I will call her Sccp, for Super Cool Cat Person.

Sccp: (picks up the phone) Hello, this is Sccp how may I help you?
Person: What show are you playing? How much does it cost? Where can I sit?
Sccp: A Chorus Line, 5000 bucks, on a seat.
Person: Okay, sounds good. Can you give me your number so that I can call you back?
Sccp: Uh... (there's a pause of silence)... The number you just called me on?
Person: Yeah.
Sccp: You mean the number you just dialed?

This picture in honor of Rebecca and Hannah

2) The Second Weirdest phone call:

The phone rang and I picked it up, because at my job, that's what you do. Sometimes, I tried picking up the phone when it wasn't ringing, but it didn't work as well. Thus, when the phone did ring, I picked it up. And talked to people. People who asked stupid questions like this:

Old Dude: Hello, I'm looking at my ticket for tomorrow night's performance. Are you still having that show?

Uh, no. We canceled the show but decided not to tell you. Even though we have your phone number on file. And you've been coming for the past 77 years. Still, we randomly decided to cancel the show and not tell you.

This was not our mousepad, but it would've been Hilarious if it was

3) Worst Call Ever

Before I tell you about one of the Rudest Customers Ever, I wanted to remind you: The Box Office is small. There is barely enough room for two people and all our Box Office junk supplies. There is a Universal Retail Law: All customers wait to come into the store or call at Exactly the Same Time.


Me: (pick up phone) Hello th-
Angry Dude: Excuse me, I've been waiting for a long time here.
Me: I apologize, but we only have two phones and they've been ringing non-stop for the past two hours. We're doing the best we can. (All spoken in a chipper voice)
Angry Dude: Then you should get more phones.
Me: I'm sorry for the wait (I don't explain to him that then we'd need more computers, and more room, and more money, which would make his tickets cost... More.) How can I help you? (slightly less chipper voice)
Angry Dude: I saw your ad in the newspaper, but I didn't see your hours posted in here.
Me: (We don't have control over what the newspaper prints sometimes, like when it's done as a review. *slams head on desk*) I'm sorry about that. We do have our hours posted online.
Angry Dude: Not every HAS the internet.

As someone who didn't have internet service until I was twenty, I understand this.

Me: I'm sorry sir.
Angry Dude: Well what are you going to do about it?
Me: (flabbergasted) I apologize, but there's nothing I can do. I'm not in charge of what is printed, and all I can do is help you buy tickets, or give you information about buying tickets.
Angry Dude: Well, if you don't care, and I don't care... (hangs up phone)
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! What is wrong with your head????

This was my face. It was not a Happy Face.

I know there were more calls than this, but as they have been blocked by my memory, I have nothing left to share with you. On the upside, next week I will have a blog about Returns, if I remember. AND... Though it's not Officially Official, I pretty much have a job at the same place the sis works. Borders. But I'm working upstairs in the Calendar Store, so I'm sure I'll have different stories to tell when I start up Retail Wednesdays again. Yes. The manager made sure to let me know that if anyone ever threatens my life, I can feel free to call him. Sadly, from the other jobs I've had, I didn't even wince. I just nodded my head in seriousness.

See what retail does to you? It makes you loony, that's what it does.

Myself: It turns you into a... Bird?
Other Self: Yes. Yes it does.

Then you can fly around and peck people's eyes out and poop on people's cars. I mean, just look at that used to be Cashier's eye? Glowing Red Evil Eye. I'm telling you. That's why birds poop on cars, because they used to be normal cashier people who got so angry they turned into loons. I'm sure of it.

Beware of the Loon!

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