In Which I Feel Special

Quite awhile ago Palindrome awarded me the Creative Writer Award. See?

Creativity!

And I tried doing this like, two weeks ago, but because I am a dunce I took pictures with a camera that didn't have a memory chip in it. It was Sonshine's camera and she can't find the cord to it, so I had to re-take the pictures, and I was just way to busy/tired/lame/lazy-bum to get up and actually re-do it, but no longer! Here is my post, and if it is long I apologize. But here they are,

Ten Things That Make Me Happy:

1) Inside jokes. I am currently writing a story solely based on an inside joke my friend and I have. It is so much fun to write.

Obadiah, Obadiah, Obadiah stalks my house

He is just a little creepy, and he squeaks just like a mouse

2) Glass bottles, putting together random flower/stick arrangements. Don't know why, but this makes me happy.

3) Plants! For the longest time I wanted a plant to sit outside my window, and now I have three. Here is one of them:

4) Keys:

The one to the Left is from the British Museum, the one on the Right my sis gave me for my 16th birthday.

5) Bangles. I just love bangles. Especially since Damaria came along (one of my story characters), who always shakes her wrists which are covered in bangles. Check 'em out:

One of these is not a bangle, but is in fact a super cool bracelet

that I am holding in ransom for one of my friends.

6) Clocks and London. These two things may not seem to go together, but in Trafalgar's Square I took this picture, and it always makes me happy.

Ahhh... London. I so want to go again.

7) Swishy Skirts:

The aren't very swishy in the picture, but they are in real life.

8) Rainy Days

9) Musicals. My sis and I just went to see Curtains at a local school, and it was so good! For reals, some of those actors are going to go on and by famous someday, I am sure of it. But one of my favorite musical soundtracks is based on the stories of Frog and Toad, and I want to be able to see it someday.

"Wave your hands in the air!"

10) Books. Duh.

*Angelic Voices*

And I nominate Joan Crawford for this award, and Falen, even though they probably have both received this award before. I also nominate Blam.

Yay!

And Falen gave me this one, which just makes me smile:

For this I nominate:

Shannon O'Donnell

Julie Dao

Eek.Eke

Even though I am newer to following their blogs, they have all proven themselves to be super sweet and sunshiney.

Anyway. Eventually I'll have another one of these kinds of posts, but for now, that is all.

I Am a CopyCat

Heloo, my sister, SonshineMusic, did this thing where she wrote down ten of her favorite things. She, of course, did not speak of things which are obviously her favorites, but of things un-obviously her favorites. I, being her younger sister and copycat, decided that I would do just such a thing. But instead of ten things I will do seven point five things instead.

1. I love being just a little bit stalkerish. I don't know why but I get a thrill from looking up people in the yellow/white pages and finding out where they live and work. Ah, the life of a psychopath *jealous*

This, apparently, is an Undead Stalker

2. I really think wombats are cute. I'm not a big fan of animals, but I was looking up pictures the other day, and I saw this wombat, and he was just so adorable.

Awww... Cuteness!

3. There is something about vanilla wafers that makes me happy. Every time I think of them I kind of go into this semi-catatonic state where I feel like melted butter sitting in a lovely teacup. Or something.

I am a lovely teacup!

4. The smell of wood. And no, not like trees, silly, but WOOD. Today at work I was unpacking these pretty frames with pictures inside, and they are made with trips of fresh new wood and it is delectable smelling. Ah, sigh.

This is WOOD

5. I love having friendly debates about ridiculous things, like time travel, whether or not Adam and Eve could kill themselves, how one would measure wit and eloquence, and which would be the best way to die. This is why I am such a fan of LOST, for reals.

Where are we, when are we, and why are there rabbits?

6. I love the word spleen. Whether I'm having an undercover spleenechtomy, melon-balling someone's spleen out, or simply shouting out that my spleen hurts, it is always fun. I have no idea why. I definitely think it should win funniest body organ of the year award.

This is a Panda having a Spleenechtomy

7. And I love everyone over at Nikki Stafford's blog. They are as super as... Super glue!

Super, Super Glue!

7.5 I love it when purple and green spotted cats open up brown striped boxes with their tiny little paws and then...

Well, there you have it. 7.5 of my favorite things :)

Retail Wednesdays!

So my sis and I are having this thing called RETAIL WEDNESDAYS! (Insert the Price is Right clapping and cheering.)

These people are not real. Do not trust them!

And I wasn't going to do a post today, because I am LAME and trying to write query letters that don't suck like potatoes, but now I've eaten so much sugar my fingers are shaking and I didn't even have coffeee! Wheee! My siter made muddy buddies which are amazing and good and chocolate and peanut butter and powdered sugar!!! Sugar!!!

Mmmmm...

Okay. Yes. I am going to tell you some sort of story now, because that is the whole point of this post. Isn't it? But I'm having a hard time thinking because all I can think of is running around like some crazy person hyped up on sugar. (Maybe because I AM a crazy person hyped up on sugar.)

Okay, this isn't hyped up, but there is a whole lot of ridiculous hype over high heels.

Aha! That's better! That's one crazy person :) Hoorah!

Today's Highlight: 100 Dollar Bills.

Seriously, people, there needs to be a societal etiquette regarding the usage of 100 Dollar Bills. A long time ago when I worked at Staples a man came in fifteen minutes after we opened. He walked around for two minutes, grabbed a two dollar item, slammed it down on the counter. I am still bleary-eyed, slowly swaying as I tell myself to "wake up, wake up."

This might as well have been me. 'Cept as a woman. I am no man.

So I scan this old man's items. I make very little eye contact cause I'm just hoping to be able to get the two dollar item into the plastic bag, but it's looking a little fuzzy. So I go very slowly, very carefully, and VICTORY! The two dollar item makes it into the bag. Huzzah! I smile, hit the 'Total' button and stare up at the old man.

"That'd be two dollars and sixteen cents."

The old man waves a hundred dollar bill in my face, slaps it on the counter, and waits.

"Kind sir, do you happen to have a smaller bill? I do not have change for a hundred."

"Yes."

I stare at the man. He stares back at me. I realize that this happens a lot in my life, but I wait patiently for an answer, because there is no one else in the story except for the manager who's in the back, the creepy cleaning guy, and some dude who's hiding in the aisles hoping that he doesn't actually have to work. So I wait, still trying to tell myself to wake up.

"So you have a smaller bill than a hundred?"

"Yes," says the snarky man, "but I want to use the hundred."

Good for you, I want to punch you in the fafe! I do not say this. Instead I say, "Sorry sir, but I don't have change for a hundred."

"I don't care!"

"Dude," I lost my thin veil of professionalism here, "I am so not calling my manager to get me change when you have a smaller bill." He grumbles at me, gives me a five, and huffs off once I give him his change. Well, excuse me Mr. Snarky Old Man, next time I'll make sure I give you the thing for free, just to make yo life easier.

"I Don't Want to give you no smaller bill."

THEN the other day this woman gives me a hundred dollar bill for a fifteen dollar order.

Right lady, because I have change for a hundred, despite the fact that I opened eight minutes early since you were banging on the door and frowning like an eternal ray of frowndom.

Instead, I think i should have the right to chuck her over my shoulder, carry her to the nearest dump, and throw her in with the bags of garbage, just to show her how offensive she is. Seriously, unless you spend $46.30 or more, do not give me no hundred dollar bill in the moning. Or else I will find the etiquette police and make them hunt you down like the fish you are.. . >:)

Don't call the etiquette police!

Too late.

"If only he had used a twenty!"

Does Knowledge Have an Aura?

Now, I'm not saying I'm the smartest crayon in the box, but most of the time I do like to hang out in the Smart Crayon Box.

So once when I was in class (Psychology) we were going to play a game. (Can you say interactive?) And to play this game we had to divide into teams to play a version of jeopardy. I was sitting there thinking, by golly, I'm terrible at jeopardy. And this dude, whom I didn't even know knew my name, let alone knew enough to shout out to the whole class: "I want Naomi on my team. She's smart." Dude! A) Embarrassing 2) No matter how smart I am, I am terrible at jeopardy C) How do you know my name? 4) How do you know that I'm smart?? This is the second day of class!!! Suffice it to say I gave him my "you're obviously on drugs or meds, because you're crazy" look.

If I were a frog I would've given him this look

So then today I was sitting on a chair minding my own business. There was this girl next to me and I thought she was murmuring the words of her textbook to herself, because I've done that before (though, not when I'm sitting next to a complete stranger). But then I realize it's the same monotonous murmuring. Oh my werd. She is HUMMING. I didn't think it was possible to hum out of tune, but lo and behold, it is. So I'm trying to think of some polite way to ask her to stop (which is pretty much impossible. No matter how you say "by Santa Clause, that noise is annoying" you will sound like a rude pig-faced psycho-path) when Hallelujah! she stopped. She turned to me. She said, "Is Christian Educator a word?"

I stared at her. She stared back. She expected a response. "Um..." I tried not to tell her that she hummed like a somnolent bee. "Yes? I mean, if you're a Christian no matter where you teach you will be a Christian Educator."

"Oh, I just wanted to know if educator was a word. It sounds weird."

I laughed awkwardly. "I think it is. If it's not you can blame me." (Even though she doesn't know my name."

She nodded. She sat there. I tried to study Greek, but two girls over were talking about shoes or something. (Honestly, I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. Greek verb endings were a little bit higher on my priority list.) Then the girl stands and scurries away.

Okay, so nothing too weird, right? I mean, she just asks a simple question and then runs away. But it got me thinking, does knowledge have an aura, or something? Is there a certain smell around smarter people that one can pick up on? Like the smell of strawberries, or sugar cane.

Sugar cane smells smart

Or maybe it was because I was studying Greek while digging through my Akkadian homework.

Right. Because studying ancient languages makes me smart. Ha. Really, it just gives you a massive whallop of a headache while you ask yourself "why, why, why?"

Why Retail is Sucking Away My Soul Part II

Here comes the long-awaited second part of retail, and this part is the oh-so-abused and forgotten cashier. How does retail affect a cashier? Well, let's see...

1. It makes you immune to people's sob stories:

Women: But I couldn't come within a month to return this bent up, ripped up, book because my daughter died of cancer!

Daughter: (eyes rolling) Mom, I'm you're only daughter.

Me: Riiiight

He is wise and does not believe the sob story

2. It makes you second guess people

Me: Uh, lady, are you SURE you just bought this yesterday?

Lady: Yes.

Me: Then why is this reciept dated to five years ago?

More like 50 years ago...

Scenario two:

Man: I'd like to return this.

Me: Dude, you already returned ten things this month. Besides, once you open electronics we're not supposed to return them.

Man: Uh, uh, then my wife can return it.

How dare you accuse me, you cashier you

3. It leaves you speechless when usually you could come up with a witty response:

Is speechlessness synonymous with mimes? I know fire is.

Customer: Oh! You have such small hands! You don't see those anymore.

Me: ... (stunned silence. Do I say thank you? Do I stare at her? Do I slap her with a fish?)

4. It makes you forget what Holidays and Snow Days mean:

Me: What? You get holidays AND snow days off? Wait. What is the Fourth of July again? I haven't celebrated it for so long.

(And as my co-worker says about working on Labor Day: "Oh, the irony.")

Notice the beans. I really have worked a lot of holidays. I forgot about the famous "Bean Day"

5. It erases weekends into oblivion

This is TOTAL OBLIVION. *shrugs* Don't look at me, I didn't decide that. Ask Google.

Friend: Would you like to sleep-over on friday night? It's the weekend!

Me: (staring) Weekends still exist? I never knew...

STARE!

Okay. I'm gonna' need to divide this in two, so for now that's all. Toodle-oo!