Slumpvis Musings

Slumpvis Mondays: Bread

2010-12-20T16:45:00.000-08:00

I have a fascination with Bread. In fact, pretty much every one of my novels has/will have some sort of mention of bread. When I go into grocery stores sometimes I take pictures of the bread aisles. Like when I went to Virginia:

BREAD!

So when I saw this pic I had to share it with you:

Shoe Bread?

Just Fantastic. So bizzare, but definitely fantastic.

A Little Bit... Disturbing.

A bit more disturbing...

I won't even post up the pics I found of body parts made out of bread. I love bread too much for that. So instead here's a silly one:

Bread Toaster!

Do you like Bread? Do you find bread disturbing? These things must be known!

Slumpvis Monday... A Day Late

2010-10-19T16:14:00.000-07:00

Oh! Oh! I completely forgot that I wanted to try and do Slumpvis Mondays again, where I share something completely Random and Useless with you. Like...

This Gravestone my Brother, Dave, took a picture of:

Now, realize I Do Not like Bacon. It is a pig. Pig's look like this:

Flying PIGS! Cover your heads!

Why would I want to ingest that? So I am in no way condoning the eating of Bacon, but still... There's something about Bacon that is inertly funny. Yes. Inertly. I don't know how, but that's not the point. The point is that for whatever reason Bacon is humorous and well loved throughout the entire world. There is even a website endearingly called Mr. Baconpants, set aside just for the love of Bacon. And that is why we have Ridiculous products available, all inspired by bacon, such as:

Bacon Floss! Bacon Beans!

My favorite part is their slogan. Ahahaha...

My question about the floss... Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Aren't you supposed to floss in order to help your teeth be clean and tidy and smell minty? But what do I know. Maybe having the taste of bacon sitting around your mouth all day is a good thing? Who doesn't like to have the taste of decrepit, rotting, meat, lingering around making cavities? But that's okay! Because when you're done flossing you can just pop in a couple of these bad boys to help your breath out:

Mmm... Bacony fresh

When you're done slap on some...

For dry lips yearning to be greasy and slimy

But the two winners have got to be between this bad boy:

And when you're done, you can Eat the cup

And this:

Person: (turns on lamp, suddenly starts sniffing the air)

Do you smell something burning?

Just goes to show that given the opportunity, people will come up with the Weirdest Ideas.

Next Week: (if I remember) The Reasons Why I Love Bread

Theatre Thursday

2010-10-14T08:59:00.000-07:00

Yes! Here I am again! Whoo... Two weeks in a row. How exciting. The blog is definitely a little less dusty now.

Today we are going to talk about...

Phones! and conversations thereon. As a company that runs almost entirely on phones, there were quite a few to choose from.

It doesn't matter how big the phone is,

the customer can still be a bigger stupid thing.

1) The Weirdest Phone Call:

This happened to a co-worker of mine. She loves cats so I will call her Sccp, for Super Cool Cat Person.

Sccp: (picks up the phone) Hello, this is Sccp how may I help you?

Person: What show are you playing? How much does it cost? Where can I sit?

Sccp: A Chorus Line, 5000 bucks, on a seat.

Person: Okay, sounds good. Can you give me your number so that I can call you back?

Sccp: Uh... (there's a pause of silence)... The number you just called me on?

Person: Yeah.

Sccp: You mean the number you just dialed?

This picture in honor of Rebecca and Hannah

2) The Second Weirdest phone call:

The phone rang and I picked it up, because at my job, that's what you do. Sometimes, I tried picking up the phone when it wasn't ringing, but it didn't work as well. Thus, when the phone did ring, I picked it up. And talked to people. People who asked stupid questions like this:

Old Dude: Hello, I'm looking at my ticket for tomorrow night's performance. Are you still having that show?

Uh, no. We canceled the show but decided not to tell you. Even though we have your phone number on file. And you've been coming for the past 77 years. Still, we randomly decided to cancel the show and not tell you.

This was not our mousepad, but it would've been Hilarious if it was

3) Worst Call Ever

Before I tell you about one of the Rudest Customers Ever, I wanted to remind you: The Box Office is small. There is barely enough room for two people and all our Box Office ~~junk~~ supplies. There is a Universal Retail Law: All customers wait to come into the store or call at Exactly the Same Time.

Conversation:

Me: (pick up phone) Hello th-

Angry Dude: Excuse me, I've been waiting for a long time here.

Me: I apologize, but we only have two phones and they've been ringing non-stop for the past two hours. We're doing the best we can. (All spoken in a chipper voice)

Angry Dude: Then you should get more phones.

Me: I'm sorry for the wait (I don't explain to him that then we'd need more computers, and more room, and more money, which would make his tickets cost... More.) How can I help you? (slightly less chipper voice)

Angry Dude: I saw your ad in the newspaper, but I didn't see your hours posted in here.

Me: (We don't have control over what the newspaper prints sometimes, like when it's done as a review. *slams head on desk*) I'm sorry about that. We do have our hours posted online.

Angry Dude: Not every HAS the internet.

As someone who didn't have internet service until I was twenty, I understand this.

Me: I'm sorry sir.

Angry Dude: Well what are you going to do about it?

Me: (flabbergasted) I apologize, but there's nothing I can do. I'm not in charge of what is printed, and all I can do is help you buy tickets, or give you information about buying tickets.

Angry Dude: Well, if you don't care, and I don't care... (hangs up phone)

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! What is wrong with your head????

This was my face. It was not a Happy Face.

I know there were more calls than this, but as they have been blocked by my memory, I have nothing left to share with you. On the upside, next week I will have a blog about Returns, if I remember. AND... Though it's not Officially Official, I pretty much have a job at the same place the sis works. Borders. But I'm working upstairs in the Calendar Store, so I'm sure I'll have different stories to tell when I start up Retail Wednesdays again. Yes. The manager made sure to let me know that if anyone ever threatens my life, I can feel free to call him. Sadly, from the other jobs I've had, I didn't even wince. I just nodded my head in seriousness.

See what retail does to you? It makes you loony, that's what it does.

Myself: It turns you into a... Bird?

Other Self: Yes. Yes it does.

Then you can fly around and peck people's eyes out and poop on people's cars. I mean, just look at that used to be Cashier's eye? Glowing Red Evil Eye. I'm telling you. That's why birds poop on cars, because they used to be normal cashier people who got so angry they turned into loons. I'm sure of it.

Beware of the Loon!

Theatre Thursday

2010-10-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

Oh wow. I haven't been over here in ages. Look at all the dust. Disgusting.

This is what the inside of my Blog looks like

Over the summer I got a job at a nearby (Ha! An hour away is NOT nearby) Playhouse and worked in the Box Office. It was small. And hot. And very interesting.

See? That's me with the hammer.

I was planning on having Theatre Thursdays instead of Retail Wednesdays, but that so didn't happen. I don't know why. Even though I worked like, 9-12 hour days, I only worked 3-4 days a week. But for whatever reason (that reason probably involving Rampaging Sheep, just because that would be awesome) I didn't. So instead I'm just going to write a couple of posts summing up the type of Crazies that we had:

1) The Most Popular Question:

Lady: Do you have a Senior Citizens discount?

Me: Lady, 90% of our clientele are seniors. I don't think so.

This is not what our Old People looked like.

A part of me wishes they did.

I had one woman who was not so easily disuaded...

Woman: Okay, then do you have a Military Discount?

Me: Unfortunately no.

Woman: A children's discount?

Me: Not really.

Woman: A disabled person's discount?

Me: Uh... Are you disabled?

Woman: No.

Me: Then no.

Woman: Well. Fine.

In this picture I am not the Frog, but I want to be.

2) Second most popular question:

Whenever we sell a ticket we always say: 'This sale is non-refundable with no exchanges or refunds it is a final sale" because tickets are non-refundable, there are no exchanges or refunds, it is a final sale. Weird, right? But still, we got calls All Of The Time with people saying:

"My friend got a stroke/had a heartache/their house flooded/they caught on fire/were attacked by cats/got sick/is having a child/car broke down/flat tire/ate tuna fish for lunch"

The excuses were endless. But unless you're dead, there's not much we can do. Sorry, but that's the way it is. Even if you call your credit card company and complain, after a whole bunch of hub-bub you will learn that credit card companies are not stupid and you can't return something when we told you NO.

Here's a crowd of our old people. Do you think the sign's big enough?

3) Third most popular question:

"Where's the bathroom?"

Okay. So that question isn't as epic, but it was commonly asked.

Oh my penguins. Look at this shower.

4) The fourth and final most popular question:

"Can I buy a ticket?"

Me: No. You can never buy a ticket, ever, ever, ever, even though you called this number just so that you could buy one, but because you asked I will say no and cackle at you over the phone like a maniac.

Me laughing like a maniac

That's all for now! I will try and write more next week.

P.S. Haha... I'm a doofus. I was just going to write this because I had time and didn't even realize it was Actually Thursday. How exciting is that?

Retail Wednesdays!

2010-05-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, so maybe it's not Wednesday, per se, but it is pretty close, and I HAD to post this up for you guys right away, and when you read on you'll understand:

Hello all! No, this is not AchingHope writing. You can call me Mountain Mouse (yay internet anonymity!). When AchingHope asked me to guest write this week's Retail Wednesday, I was quite thrilled and honored. You may wonder how I am qualified to write such a post. I happen to be a (now former :-( ) coworker of Aching Hope's, at the very same store that has entertained you all for the past several weeks.

Yes, I totally cheated and asked my friend to write my post for me. No, I've never done this in college with a paper, silly. But because I'm currently not in retail and not in my home state, Mountain Mouse graciously agreed to be my slave... I mean, agreed to be my guest. Any comments in brackets are mine, and I dug out the pictures from the web as well.

Clearly, then, I've seen my fair share of, erm, interesting customers. Seriously, I've considered writing a book. It would be a manual on how customers should behave, so as not to drive their friendly neighborhood sales associate insane.

Which is what I've decided to do with today's post. (It's easier than going back and making sure I'm not repeating anything Aching Hope has said!) So sit back, relax, and, if you recognize yourself in any of the following examples, I'm sorry. Please don't feel too judged. [Aw, see how nice she is. I go out of my way to try and offend people.]

Things a Good Retail Customer Should Know (or, How Not to Make Poor Low-Wage Teenagers and Young Adults Cry at the End of Their Shifts)

1. Know and Follow Store Hours.
Believe it or not, most stores are not open 24/7. We don't live here, and we don't sleep behind the register at night (okay, there have been times when I've wanted to lie down on the carpet, but I've never done it, I swear). [I came seriously close once. I was sitting on the floor and leaned over... And then my co-worker warned me that I would get fired if I started snoring on the floor. Ha! I never snore.] Most of us have to go home and do something better with our lives like catch up on sleep, finish homework, or stalk people on Facebook.

If I was a cat, this would've been me.

So, when you enter a store, especially at any time that can be considered "evening," take a look at the hours posted. They're usually right on the front door. The one you had to open to come into the store. Really, we're not hiding them. Even better, call us up before you come! And when we tell you what time we close, please take us seriously. The following actually happened to me last week:

(phone rings at 7:41)
Customer: Hi, what time do you close tonight?
Me: 8:00.
Customer: Oh, we live 15 miles away. If we get there at 7:55, will you stay open for us?
Me: We close at 8:00. (I say the most simple response possible because, otherwise, my response would be to cry.)
Customer: Are you sure? You can't just stay open?
Me: No ma'am, I have to close at 8:00 (So that I don't lose my mind).
Customer: Oh, so it's like that.

I later found out she came in a few days later and complained to my coworker that I had said that we "wouldn't even answer the phone past 8:00." Whoops. [Sadly, this happened to me as well. *sigh*]

And people thought our store hours were bad

2. Know what you're trying to buy.
No, I cannot tell you what CD you're looking for by listening to you hum one line of a song you heard on the radio. No, I can't point you in the direction of the book you want if the only piece of information you can give me is that it has a blue cover, [Why is it always a BLUE cover??] the author's first name is Steve, or that when translated from Spanish, the title has the word "Heavenly" somewhere in the middle. I'd tell you to go research it on the Internet, but then you'd probably buy it off Amazon or something, and I'd be out of a job.

And sometimes what they're looking for isn't even a book

But a CD only sold on websites.

3. Know the return policy.
And for Pete's sake, save your receipt. No matter what. The minute you throw the receipt out is the minute that the item will break, spontaneously combust, or somehow become the exact opposite of what is wanted by the person for whom it was purchased. Most stores either post the policy somewhere near the registers or will print it on the receipt. Which is another reason you should probably hold onto it. Because saying you didn't know the policy is really a poor excuse for trying to get us to bend the rules for you.
Luckily, the store where I work has a system where we can look up past transactions if you're on our mailing list. Sometimes, however, this actually works less in customers' favor.

Customer: I'd like to return this item.
Me: Okay, do you have a receipt?
Customer: No. It was a while ago. (This sets off Red Alert signals in my mind, but I still have to go through the steps.)
Me: Oh, okay, well, if you're on our mailing list, we can look it up.
Customer: Sure, my name is _________.
Me: Ma'am, the last record of a transaction we have from you is over a year ago. Our return policy is 30 days.
Customer: Oh, really? Are you sure you can't just let me exchange it?
Me: Well, seeing as we stopped selling it months ago... No.
Customer: (walks out as angrily as possible.)

4. Know how you will pay.
If all you have in your wallet is an Amex card, you should probably find out if the store takes them before you spend an hour walking around and picking out items that you absolutely can't live without. If you want to write a check, make sure you have your driver's license with you. And if you're planning on paying with cash, it' usually a good idea to have enough bills and coins.
American money is usually preferred. I'm serious. The following is really true.

(A woman picks out about $3 worth of merchandise, and I tell her the total when she brings it to the counter)
Customer: (places a Canadian $5 bill on the counter)
Me: Sorry ma'am, I can't accept that.
Customer: But it's five dollars! (Note that at the time, the Canadian dollar was worth more than the American dollar. I was actually trying to save her money!)
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, but our store cannot accept that bill.
Customer: Why not?
Me: Because this is the United States?
Customer: But our stores take American money all the time!

Sorry, Canadians, but I can't do proper conversions at my register. Needless to say, she didn't complete the transaction. [Yes, I had a dude offer me South American money once, and I didn't know what to say, and we stared at each other blankly a moment before he said, "Oh, you don't want that." No. No I don't.]

As pretty as these are, I want the more boring American variety.

Unless it's American Express.

5. Know where your children are and what they are doing if you bring them into the store.
Someday, if I ever have a store of my own, it will have a nice big sign that says, "All customers who leave their children unattended will be charged a babysitting fee." [That is an AMAZING idea!! You could get rich!] If I had a dollar for every time a customer walked in, told their children, "Don't touch anything!" and then proceeded to ignore them for their entire time in the store, I wouldn't have to work retail anymore.
If you have children, and you decide to bring them in public with you, please please please do not allow them to run around like crazy people. End of story.

Yup... That's pretty much Mountain Mouse

The Mum is somewhere off camera pretending to be embarrassed

So, there's five things you should know if you ever find yourself needing to walk into a store to buy something. Oh, and it doesn't hurt to smile back at the sales associate. We like knowing that there are people out there that acknowledge us as fellow human beings!

There you have it! I hope y'all enjoyed, and Mountain Mouse is new to the blogosphere, (kinda') so here's a link to her blog that way she can be forced to write another blog post over there. Mwahahahahah >:)

We curtsy in your general direction

This is So Rambly, You'll Want to Bite Your Head off (Or Something Equally Violent)

2010-05-12T10:24:00.001-07:00

I started writing this blog post like, AGES, ago and even though it's outdated it has some important info so I wanted to copy and paste it in here:

"Yes, you may have noticed that it isn't Wednesday. That's because there was a time vortex swirling outside of my window, and it caused some time fluctuations. You may be thinking, "but hey, Rebecca-Sunshine posted as usual." That's because Rebecca is so cool, and so non-flustered, that the time vortex bowed to her responsible nature and left her alone.

Okay. Myabe not. But I kinda' wish that all was true.

Anyway, I still wanted to post this, because it is a very important post. I'm gittin' outta' Retail. Yes. I'm quitting. *angelic singing* This means that I won't be doing Retail Wednesdays. I'll probably post about my new job, and there's some posts about Driving that I want to do.

What I wanted to do was post a letter that I wrote to my boss (I didn't give it to him), but I realized I really couldn't post it without serious ramifications. Or something like that. So instead..."

And that's when who knows what happened and I never finished, which is all sadness. I truly despise when such things happen, because you know something could have happened, and then it didn't. Like, I found the beginning of a story the other day, and I could tell it was going somewhere, but because I had started when I was like, 13, I knew I would never be able to write that story.

Anyway, this is SlumpvisMusings, NOT my writing blog so let me switch back over to Random Mode.

Because I quit a couple of weeks ago I have no retail stories. I don't even have any stories from my new job, except for the prank phone call. Hey! I could tell you that!

Wait, wait, focus.

Instead I'm going to tell you a long-winded tale that will eventually get to a point where I explain an experience I had where I was the customer instead of being the Crazy Retail Lady.

Let me preface this with a most oft' repeated quote: "Never meet people from the internet." You know, your mum tells you that, your dad tells you that, the mailman tells you that, and the crazy lady down the road with the dog from Hades tells you that.

Continuing on:

Last Friday the sis and I went to NYC! Yup.

I love this. It may have been in the middle of the city, but the Green was still alive and thriving. If I were a Greeny Enviro Person I would've just died from rapture. As it was, I snapped as many pictures as I could and tried not to think of too many stories.

This was an important place? Like, the Empire State Building or something? I don't know, I was distracted by something shiny.

And this was just another cool building thingy.

Anyway, we also went to the Strand (which was amazing!! I bought Shakespeare!!) and then we went to Borders. As some of you know my sister works for Borders instead of that other one. We looked around and there were NO seats, except the ones around the special events section, and we knew there was going to be a special event so we stayed away, found a quiet corner in the IR section and sat on the floor.

Nary a customer came by. There was the worker lady trying to put something away, and she couldn't find where it went so I tried to be helpful and point it out to her, but she ignored me so I shut up.

Yeah, whatever. I know as a Retail Worker that it's humiliating to admit that sometimes Customers see things you don't. All right. So I was trying to at least think nice thoughts toward the lady. Even though Customers see things I don't sometimes, and it saves time and energy to accept help instead of putting things in the wrong spot (cue OCD spazz out!!)

I was looking through the books while my sis went to the Special Room Where all the Poop Goes and I was browsing and started reading a book because it was way more interesting than I thought it would be. Suddenly I hear a grating noise. What is that grating noise? Why won't that grating noise stop?

I look up.

There is a Worker Person glaring at me. "Excuse me, excuse me." She kept repeating in an annoying kinda' nasally coughy voice that made me want to slap the nearest breathing human being.

She wasn't human, so I didn't slap her. Instead I said, "Yes?"

"We don't like customers to sit on the floor and read. If you must read there are chairs in the special events section?"

"Okay," trying to be demure and not stare at her overly rudely. She stomps away. She stomps back.

"Excuse me, ex-"

Ahhhhhhhh!

"I'm just waiting for my sister."

"Well, the chairs are right over there."

Well, Miss Snooty-pa-Tooty, I don't care. I ignore her and wait until the sis comes back. Fortunately, instead of sitting in the Special Events corner (with the uncomfortable plastic seats [I don't want to sit on no plastic seats, I was mad tired. Give me a floor over plastic any day. Unless it's a cup. I'd rather drink from a plastic cup than a cup made...of...floor?]) there were comfy seats open. So we sit and read.

It's quiet.

For two seconds.

Until the three immature teenagers in the aisle over start hackling like hyenas reading really bad puns. Se-ri-ous-ly. The one girl is lounging her head in the guys lap and the other girl keeps standing up-sitting down-standing up-sitting down. I'm waiting for the "Excuse Me" lady to come stalking over, but she doesn't, so I figure she only does that to the IR people.

Oh-ho, no!

My sis and I are about to leave and so I return the book to the IR section and what do I see? Five pre-teens sitting on the floor reading a book!!!! I thought they didn't like customers to do that? Hm? But apparently the "Excuse Me" lady just didn't like me. Maybe she was the same Worker that wouldn't listen to me try and help her and she was ANGRY!!!! or something.

I don't know.

But my annoyance didn't stay around for long because my sis and I went to the Jekyll and Hyde Club to meet up with people from the Internet.

But wait! I thought your mailman told you not to meet up with people from the internet?

It's okay, kids. I got permission from my folks.

No, seriously. My sis and I were standing outside of the Club waiting for Nikki Stafford and other Losties and I thought I was going to DIE. This was breaking Rules! I am not a Rule Breaker! However, the sis wasn't about to leave, and it was a good thing to, or else I would've missed out on a pretty sweet napkin diagram.

Okay, now that I've probably confused just about everyone, here are some links to other posts about the Lost Meet-Up I went to, which probably most of you don't know that's kinda' what this post was about.

Blammycakes

SonshineSister

Nikkilicious

Those are all the ones I know about.

Oh, and I may have forgotten to tell you that I'm kinda' sick and that Ibuprofen stuff kicks in just about now, and I like, never take drugs so when I do my brain goes loopier than... Something realy loopy. Like, um, earrings?

Scary Things

2010-05-11T14:00:00.000-07:00

There were quite a few books and movies that truly freaked me out when I was younger. I still can't figure out why. Especially when they are other NORMAL people's faves. Yes. Normal people are scary, aren't they?

I was totally inspired to write this post by Hannah/Palindrome.

They are not in any order at all, just by memory alone. I'm sure I'll forget one or two things that creeped me out too much, but my brain shut them away.

Fern Gully.

My sis just bought this for my other sis, Rae, for her birthday and I still got shivers thinking of watching it. Can't you feel yourself just beginning to tremble in fear? No? Huh. That's weird.

Pinocchio

Man, those donkey's were SCARY! I was terrified of turning into a donkey and then being swallowed by a whale for years! In fact, I'm at the beach right now, and looking out at the ocean *shudders* I'm not growing a tail yet, so that's a good sign.

Pagemaster

I didn't even see all of this movie (just part of it on TV once) and it gave me nightmares for years.

Where the Wild Things Are

I was so scared of this I refused to read it. Only recently my friend read it to me when we stopped in a Barnes and Noble. It wasn't really scary anymore, I just found it stupid instead. It was weird. Just weird.

There is another book that I was completely TERRIFIED of. It had a little bear, or something, that went out into the woods late at night and there were creepy creatures with lanterns. I thought it was Little Bear, but it wasn't. If I ever remember I'll post it up here, but for now that's all I can remember.

Wait... Wait... Yes! Yes, it Truly is Retail Wednesday!

2010-05-05T17:54:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness. I haven't been here for so long. I feel like I need to reintroduce myself to my blog.

Me: Hello, SlumpvisMusings

SM: Get on with it, you non-denominational pastor's kid!! [said in the voice of someone else I know with the initials SM. You know who you are ;)]

Ahem. Anyway. Getting on with the story. Today I will be focusing solely on the lady, whom I will call IdiotWithScreamingDemonChildren, or Iwsdc, for short.

Imagine Iwsdc as this Chicken.

It was a couple of weeks ago and I was working with my co-worker who will be called Kay. Kay and I were standing there on a quiet morning (well, we weren't standing on the morning, I'm not sure how that would be managed, but we were standing and it was morning. Anyway.)

This cow is trying to stand on the morning.

Either that or he is spazzing out from Demon Children.

The lady entered. With the Demon Children. We were in no way prepared for what would happen in the next hour. Okay, I take that back. That week had been Bring Your Idiot Children Shopping With You week, so we had slowly been exposed to worse and worse behaved children. Like with poison. Or ducks!

Duckies!!!

Nevermind. Ducks are better than children. Ducks are fuzzy.

The lady laughed as her children screamed and ran around her, leaving a trail of bagel crumbs along the floor (must've been practicing for playing Hansel and Gretel. I no longer hate the mother that sent of those two children like I used to.) "It's so hard to bring the children around with me."

Under my breath I mumble, "It wouldn't be if you disciplined them." Fortunately the Demon Children had permanently damaged her children and she didn't hear me. I left her to look at the books while her children played in the back in our children's section. Our children's section is basically a corner of the store that holds a Duplo table.

Imagine the girl screaming.

With a bagel.

Or holding a screaming bagel.

Or screaming toast!!

This is amazing.

I stayed at the front, too afraid to move. Kay, fearless and brave kept going to the back to check on the kiddies. Then she came back, her eyes wide. Iwsdc had given her an Evil Look of Doom. We heard gleeful cheering, as if the gates of Hell were being opened in the very back of our store (okay, maybe I'm exagerating a little bit, but have you heard children lately? And not the sweet kind of children that I adore, but the EVIL children that don't know what polite means?)

Taking a deep breath I made my way to the back of the store on the pretense of "organizing." I can't see the Demon Children, but I hear a weird noise, so I stop "organizing" (Read: cowering behind the shelf) and look over at the children. They are opening a box and pulling out plastic wrapped toys while the Iwsdc stands nearby watching them while glancing at a book.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! What is wrong with you???!!!

This is how shocked I was

I kneel down, grab the plastic wrapped toys right from the Demon Children's hands. The mother is all concerned and kneels down next to me (thinking back to it, she was awkwardly close to me.)

Does it LOOK like you can place with this?

No. It is a box. You're children cannot play with this box.

Iwsdc: "Are they not allowed to play with this?"

Me: (in my head: NOOOOO!! It's closed and plastic wrapped, you idiot!) outloud: "We have to sell this." (and yes, I said this in my "I'm-trying-not-to-bite-your-head-off" voice.")

Iwsdc: "Oh, I didn't know that."

Me: (in my head) "That's because instead of a brain you have a fish swimming around in your head! No, I take that back, you have a dead fish floating in your brain that is filled with dense water!) Outloud: "..." (while not glaring at her.)

Haha... Can you imagine if her head really did look like this?

She herds her children to the front. I stay in the back because, lo and behold, there is a nasty half-eaten bagel in the basket where the extra blocks are supposed to do. Yeck!! Blek!! Apparently, The Demon Girl Child gave up on being Gretel. At this point, she would be dead in the forest. As it was, she was still making noises in the front with Demon Boy Child.

I can overhear Iwsdc, partly because it is a small store, but mostly because she has a LOUD voice (remember the screaming children? You don't? Poke the nearest person next to you with a chainsaw, listen to them scream, all while listening to heavy metal music. That's about what the Demon Children sounded like. You'd scream eternally after that if you were the mother of those Demon Children too.)

On second thought,

set the chainsaw down

And back away slowly

She decides to buy the product that her children were unpacking.

I am surprised and say to myself, "Maybe she's not that bad."

But wait, I didn't hear the rest of the conversation.

When Iwsdc and her Demon Children have left the store I feel comfortable enough to return to the front.

Yes, I was hiding. You would've been too, trust me.

Dude! I want one of these!!

That's when Kay told me the rest of the story. Kay brought up the damaged product and Iwsdc points to the ripped up (probably sucked on) box.

Iwsdc: (whispering) "I don't think my children did that."

Right, because you weren't staring at them while they opened it. It's a good thing I wasn't standing there when she said that because I would've gone Evil Potato Chip on her.

Me, plotting.

Mwahahahaha >:)

Is Wish This Was Retail Wednesday :(

2010-04-23T08:50:00.000-07:00

Just letting you know this is The Week of Finals *dun dun dun*

I will be gone until the end of the month.

See you then! Well, I won't see you, see you...but... You know.

F is for Failure

2010-04-12T15:45:00.001-07:00

I Feel like I haven't posted over here in Forever, so I wanted to write something Fast in order to not Feel like a Failure at liFe.

Or something like that. Plus it gives me an excuse to write some atrocious poetry:

Failure makes you cry

Bang out the question "why."

It makes you feel inept

And hate the word adept.

Failure writes your name

In sand- to wash away.

There is no hall of fame,

Just a line of yesterdays.

Failure makes you grow.

You're tough enough to know

Life ain't perfect

So get over it.

Failure gives you a chance,

To trip and fall and dance

And look at a crack, cracked floor

Which you never would have seen before.

In a word:

Failure is an Open Door.

Success is closed, locked and dead.

Which one do you prefer?

There you have it!

Fake Cheese *insert grossed out face here*

E is For...Eclectic Retail Wednesday

2010-04-07T14:55:00.000-07:00

Today I will divide up this blog into three stories, all very different from each other.

1. Exasperation:

A few days ago a customer held up some chintzy thing and asked:

"Is it okay if I run this OUTSIDE to my husband WHO IS NOT IN THE STORE AND CANNOT BE SEEN FROM INSIDE OF THE STORE so that I can ask him what he thinks about it?" (emphasis added and might not have been said by real customer)

Me: "Uh. No."

Yes. I am very unreasonable. How dare I not let a strange woman take a non-paid for item out into the parking lot and into her car? I am such an unfeeling person and should be hanged.

Customer: Can I steal this creepy doll?

I want to say yes...

2. Enthralling

I was helping a gentleman find a gift for a friend. He was looking at the bracelets and asked if he could see one so I unlocked the case and handed it to him.

"You know," said he, "it's a little expensive, but she's worth it."

Awwwww.... Can you say adorable?

It was ruined only by my thought of the lady's I had overheard once, so all I could think of was, "I hope he's not trying to seduce anyone." Yes. There is something wrong with me.

Adorable Cuteness

3. Eh, creepy? or Aw, nice!

Here's one from memory lane. When I worked at Staples as a cashier I was helping a dude and he needed some heavy thing from the back. I called up a co-worker and they went to find it. Then they didn't come back. And I had other customers. The dude I was helping graciously stepped to the side so that I could help the massively long line, since I was the only cashier. (I blame this on corporate.) I thought, "That's nice." Until I realized he was kinda' sorta' STARING at me. Yup. He was standing with his hands in his pockets, relaxed, just watching me.

Can I say weird? Can I saw nerve-wracking? Can I say Are You a Stalker? I saw him from the corner of my eye, but tried to ignore him while I helped customers, and kept praying that my co-worker would HURRY up and bringing the dude's stuff up.

Finally, after a torturous amount of time, my co-worker brought up the guys large desk, or whatever, and I rang him up as quickly as I could without being rushed. I managed NOT to look at him like he was crazy, smiling and everything. (This was at the beginning of my time in retail, when I still had patience.) The guy leans forward and says,

"You have a very calming demeanor." He smiled. He left.

I kinda' wish I had said: "You do NOT have a very calming demeanor."

I still can't decide if he was being creepy, or if he was being nice.

Kinda' like dolls. Nice or Creepy?

D is for Dang Desperate

2010-04-05T20:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, so last Wednesday Sonshine and I were heading out to the Thrift Store to find prizes for my contest. We did find these:

A Hawaiian leprechaun??

How cool is this? Pretty darn cool, that's what

Though, both were way too large to use as real prizes. Anyway, before we even got there my sis and I passed a real interesting person on the side of the road.

There is a white smudge in the distance...

Now, you can't see it (which is probably a good thing because the dude would probably sue me), but there is a dude pulled over on the side of the road. Wanna' guess what he was doing? You never will, I promise you. He is sawing wood. Yes. Wood. And not with a chainsaw either, and not some big hunk a' wood. He was taking branches as thin as my wrist and cutting them with a very small hand-held saw.

He must've been pretty desperate for some firewood.

C is for Contest! Contest! Contest!

2010-04-04T12:55:00.001-07:00

The details are over at My Other Blog, but I wanted to let y'all know that you guys are invited to join too. Having two blogs is definitely weird, and 'm realizing just how awkward it can be at times, like when I'm having a contest. So, if you're already following over here you don't have to follow both of my blogs (though you can if you want to), but for the rest of the directions you'll have to scamper off over there.

And that is all to this very, very short post.

B is for Buffy the Vampire Slayer

2010-04-02T15:39:00.000-07:00

Finally, my sis and I have started watching Buffy, I had watched almost all of season 1 on Hulu (which was torturous, although I did laugh every time it came up saying "buffering" because Buffy and Buffering start with the same four letters, lame I know) but then my sis got the whole season collection (and the Angel seasons) for her birthday so I got all kinds of excited because I could watch them for real on a television and everything.

Except it took her stinkin' forever to actually getting around to watching them, and I wanted to wait and watch them with her because we're like that. Ahhh! It was terrible. Finally, though, we started watching them. We've watched one every night possible for the last month at least.

I LOVE it. Although, what kind of name is Buffy anyway? "Aw, I just had a baby. I'm going to name it a weird name that doesn't exist so that she can be made fun of for life!" What a cruel mother.

Mother: I will name you Buffy

Child: That's a stupid name.

Mother: Shut up! I'm naming you.

Child: You have a weird hat.

Anyway.

Spike just has some of the best lines EVER.

And Angel definitely is palatable (I think Joan Crawford originally coined that phrase), and Sonshine and I have agreed that Xander has his Chandler moments, which is great.

Ahahaha... Xander's hair!

A-Z Challenge

2010-04-01T11:03:00.000-07:00

Check out Lee's blog, Tossing it Out for the A-Z Blogging Challenge! I'm going to mostly be doing it over at my writing blog: Here! Here! Here! (Sorry, that sounds annoying, doesn't it?) But I will probably end up doing some posts (like retail ones) over here.

Basically the challenge is to write every day of April (except for Sundays) and to do the first one with the theme of something that begins with the letter A, and the next day B and so forth. It sounds interesting, and will help keep me blogging, so why not?

Oh. Because I might lose my sanity? Psha... That's not important.

*shudder* Creepy

Retail Wednesdays! Or Why You Shouldn't Show Me Your Laptop

2010-03-31T08:53:00.000-07:00

Wow, this week I actually had ridiculous people come into the store! I was getting all excited when I was telling my dad that yesterday, and then paused, wondering if there's something wrong with me. *shrugs* Probably. Ah, well.

There are always disturbing things you overhear while working as a cashier. Such as hearing this conversation:

Lady: Hey! Don't you have a necklace like this?

Other Lady: Yes.

Lady: Didn't that guy give it to you? You know...

Other Lady: Oh, you mean the one that tried to seduce me?

Lady: Shh! We're in the Christian Store! You can't say seduce!

First off, there is just no right way to respond to this. Either you duck behind the counter for a quick chuckle, or you just stare in their general direction trying to decide if you want to hear the story behind the comment, or if it's better not to know.

Second off, have you ever heard of Song of Solomon? If that's in the myriad of Bibles on our shelves, I'm pretty sure you can use the word seduce without me going all righteous bananas on you.

Oh my bananas, that's a lot a' bananas

But probably one of the most disturbing things (and it's partially disturbing because I hear it SO SO often) is this:

Me: The total is ____ (fill in blank with random number)

Customer: (handing me a credit card) Here, try this one.

I never want to actually take the credit card from them after that. If you're so afraid to use the credit card because you might not have enough for a fifteen dollar order...

Me: (handing it back) Sorry, it was declined.

Customer: Here, try this one.

*Minutes later after trying fifteen credit cards*

Customer: Can I write you a check?

No. No you may not.

I know there's a witty remark in here somewhere, but I can't find it.

To top it all off I will now get to the Laptop Guy.

Tah-dah!

It was nearing the end of my shift, my co-worker and I were having a grand ol' time talking about something or other. It could've been about religion, politics, writing, books... Point is, it didn't matter what we were talking about because a customer walked in and came over. Have you ever had the experience where you are working with another co-worker, a customer walks up, and the customer proceeds (for a slightly awkward amount of time) to look first at you, then at the co-worker, then at you, then at the co-worker... Repeat twenty times. As if they're trying to decide which one of you will be more adept at helping them. (Although, I have had customers I TRY to make eye contact with, but they ignore me completely, instead going up to my co-worker who is busy eating lunch. Uh? I guess I just look too stupid to help you?)

The guy finally stops darting his eyes back and forth. "I bought this a couple a' days ago," plops down a piece of software on the counter, "and it's not loading properly." My co-worker and I kinda' stare at him a little bit. Then we explain to him that we can't help (strangely enough I'm not good with computers, which is weird since I work at a book store). So he asks for the manager. Yeah. Our manager is not really into technology. We explain to the customer that the manager probably cannot help me, and that he'd be better off contacting the manufacturer.

This is what the guy musta' been feeling

Weird... I was feeling the same way only NOT about computers

"I tried," the man grumbles, "but there wasn't any phone number." Then he stood there. For five minutes. While my co-worker and I made lame little noises. Well, I made lame noises because I didn't want to say anything stupid, and my co-worker explained our return policies. Eventually he left with our business card in tow.

Curious, my co-worked and I looked up the manufacturers website. No, there wasn't a phone number. But there was e-mail, a FAQ page, an instant messaging tech service, a forum... Plenty of help right there, little buddy.

And the best part? He came in toting his laptop. Yup. Tucked right under his arm. No bag, no dangling cords, just his big ol' hunk a laptop. Yup. Cause we coulda' just turned on your laptop and loaded it right up fer ya.

Oh wait, I think you're looking for Best Buy down the street.

Slumpvis Mondays

2010-03-29T09:42:00.000-07:00

Around Christmas time my sis and I were wandering around a crafty store because she needed yarn for some scarves. (The same kind of yarn she made for her cute little owls.) As I was wandering around I came across this product:

What's wrong with this picture?

Why is soft in quotes? Is it really soft? Is it simply pretending to be soft? I touched it to be sure, and it was soft. So the reason for the quotes is still worthy of a debate. Or at least a hefty questioning brow. Then, when I turned around and darted down the aisle to look at something shiny, I saw this:

Those are some pricey blankets.

I don't know... I'd have to be pretty darn cold to spend six hundred and fifteen bucks on a little blanket like that, even if some do have penguins on them. These two things combined only reminded me of something my friend took a picture of:

Um???

What makes a sock diabetic? I didn't realize they had glucose to worry about. Who knew? I suppose there may be a way to fight against the Evil Socks who are going to take over the world! squirt glucose at them.

Evil Socks!

2010-03-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

It is (sadly) an unknown fact that the world will not be overcome by communism, democraticism, or evil jellyfish. We will indeed be overcome by socks. Socks that look like this:

You can just see their evil intent leaking out of their very essence of being!

You see, I was walking along after Greek class with one of my friends, The Raspberry Moose, (um, that's what I call him in my head, but I don't think he knows that) and suddenly I stopped as The Raspberry Moose and the other dude, The Very Smart One, continued on walking. They realized I was staring in abject horror at the ground and turned, walking back to me.

"Uh? What are you staring at?" asked the Raspberry Moose (even though he dislikes the usage of the word 'asked.')

"It's a sock!" I pointed, aghast, at the wet as watermelon, dirty as a boy, sock.

"Yes," said The Very Smart One. I could here the sarcasm in his voice, Wow, how obvious you are, though he would have thought it in a nice sarcastic way, because he is not an evil, mean person like me.

"It's going to attack me," I said, still pointing at the dreadful thing. "Then it will attach itself to my mouth and I won't be able to breahte!" They ignored me, continuing up to lunch and I was forced to join them, because of the hungry pains in my stomach.

Later, on my way home, I was passing by the evil sock with The Raspberry Moose and my other friend, Dez. I stopped and nearly screamed my kidneys out.

There were two socks. The ugly used-to-be-white-now-grey sock, and a blue one. *Gasp!* I nearly keeled over. I explained to Dez that the socks were taking over the world and would soon be killing us all.

I don't think she believed me.

If she did, I think she would sleep with her windows locked and a gun at her side (though, my college probably doesn't allow that, since I know they took a sword away from someone.) So readers BEWARE! The socks are lurking out there, preparing to attack.

They will not look as cute as this

Retail Wednesdays!

2010-03-24T15:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay, I was going to miss another week, but then I found out that Palindrome was having difficulties getting out of bed because of the lack of retail posts, so here ya go:

This pretty much says it all.

1st Crazy Lady:

All right. A couple of weeks ago we had this real crazy lady come in. She couldn't speak good English, and I had to keep asking her to repeat herself because not only could she not speak English very well, but her communication abilities were nigh near zero. Finally I was able to determine that she needed a Bible cover so I herded her over to the Bible covers. She then proceeded to ask ME what size Bible cover she needed.

Me: Uh... I don't know. It is your Bible.

Lady: But what size?

Me: What size is your Bible?

We, sadly, do not have Bible Covers this cool-looking

She gives me a look, clearly thinking I am the crazy one. Once she finally picks out a Bible cover she wants to see the kid section. That's fine, I'm about to lead her over there when I realize she has left her baby in it's baby-carrying-case by the door. "You need to bring the baby with you," my co-worker says, saving me from screaming at the lady. And you want to know the brilliant words of this crazy lady?

"Oh. I thought if I left him in the sunlight he would be fine."

!!!??????????? What is wrong with you?!!!

This baby was not left in direct sunlight, making it disappear

Finally, baby in tow, I show her the kid section. We don't have what she wants so we have to go back to the front of the store. She almost leaves her baby alone, AGAIN (and this time there ain't no sunlight for excuses.)

"You're going to have to bring the baby with you."

She gets all flustered, maybe afraid I'm going to call Child Protection (it was tempting). She brings the poor child with her (who is somehow sleeping through all this) and I take her to the front. Then I take her back to the kid section. Then I hear a giant banging of the door and a guy with poor English starts shouting for his wife. My co-workers and I are in such a rush to get this crazy lady out of the store that we accidentally ring something up wrong.

She calls fifteen minutes later. To complain.

I apologize to her profusely, explaining that things like this happen, and that we'll do what we can to fix it. She keeps demanding to know who exactly rang her up and I keep refusing, explaining that I was the one to help her. She asks who messed up again so she can "tell somebody about this" (there is nobody to tell, because nobody cares.) I tell her it doesn't matter. She hangs up, complaining about how far away she lives and how inconvenient blah blah blah.

Curious I look up her name on our mailing list. Yup.

"I live so far away!" she said.

Uh, try five minutes, maybe ten if you drive really, really slow.

This is where she thought she lived

(Ooh, and I found this pic on a website with lotsa pretty pics, so feel free to check it out)

2nd Crazy Lady:

I pick up the phone (because it was ringing and that's usually what one does when a phone is ringing) and it's some lady talking about a reciept and a return and a credit. My boss was there and he gets to deal with §happy things like that, so I handed him the phone. But I was curious, so I listened in while I "organized CD's."

I didn't look like this when I was skulking around, but I kinda' wish I did

Look at his sweet weapons and headgear!

She had ordered something over the phone, and then canceled said order over the phone, and was calling because the credit had never shown up on her credit card bill. But the best part? Get this: She had waited a year to call and tell us about this.

I had to use this because it's a Year With Frog and Toad

AND it's the Cookie Song!

Um, it's too late lady. After a year there is no proof that you bought something in our store. We are very small. Very, very, small. Plus, you gotta' talk to your credit card people too, not just us. She didn't seem to understand this because my boss had to repeat himself. Four times. It could've been more, but I quickly ran to the front, in case I started guffawing madly.

Aha, how appropriate!

Third Crazy Lady)

We have these little inspirational stones. They come in pretty little bags. A lady comes up with a stone and a bag (they always bring them up separate, and not one person has brought up the two combined) I put the inspirational stone into the cute bag. The cute bag has a hole in it. So I grab her a new bag.

"Excuse me, but I was trying to get a bag that wasn't wrinkled."

"Okay, but they're all wrinkled, because they're made out of wrinkeld fabric."

She doesn't answer me. Hm. I'm starting to say what I'm actually thinking to customers. This could end very badly, if I don't get out soon.

I don't remember what her stone said, but I sure hope it was this one

And for now that is all.

Oh! I just realized! The font changed. And it's in the font I am using for my current WIP (current meaning: this week I decided to work on...) How did it transfer into blogger? Ahk! It must be trying to call me to come back and work on it. Agh, I'm coming. What do you think I am, your slave?

Oh. Sorry. Gotta' run.

Slumpvis Mondays

2010-03-22T19:03:00.000-07:00

Today I saw something random when I was unpacking boxes:

There was a random comic too, and I kinda' wanted to know what it said.

People have used weird things to pack boxes with, and the most annoying thing is newspaper. (Though co-workers would argue for packing peanuts.) Why? I don't like newspaper. It makes my hands feel dirty. I will eat an m&m I dropped on the floor, but I dislike touching newspaper. Weird, I know, but it's true.

Anyway, so I figured that the company was based outside of America, because we order from random countries sometimes. But nope, right here in the US, in Oklahoma. And it just reminded me of how cool America is. (Well... Let's not get into that discussion.) I like the fact that there are so many different cultures and stuff that you can bump into. (Though dealing with only Spanish-speaking individuals can be difficult. Or only French-speaking people. Or... Okay. I am an arrogant American and can't stand it when people can't speaking English, because right now that is the trade language [although other languages are starting to pull their weight around] and if you want to buy something in America, and you live in America, you should know enough English to trade, or bring someone with you who can. I'm not trying to be mean, but it annoys me when I can't help someone because I can't understand them. Yes, this means I should learn a smattering of Spanish, Mandarin Chinese, and French, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Akkadian is much more interesting to me right now.)

Anyway. I didn't mean to rant, but I just kinda' chuckled over the randomness of it and wanted to share. Also, today my dad bought me these, which was good because I already wanted to hunt down some caramel.

I love Junior Mints, and these were good too... mmmm...

Anyway. That is my random thing for this Monday. I promise you I will write a Retail Wednesday this week, even if it's really short. Ugh. Two weeks is a terrible amount of time to miss, and I feel like I failed all of you miserably. :( Sad face. But I ate some chocolate, so now I will have the energy to get up tomorrow and do all of my homework so that on Wednesday I can put up for you a lovely post. Huzzah!

More Awards blushes

2010-03-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

So the ever fantastic Falen gave me a really cool looking award:

Isn't it pretty?

I feel very stylish now. The rules of this award is to tell you five unusual things about me. This is going to be difficult, because most things about me are unusual. So I have to think of things I haven't said yet, and that I'm not planning on saying in the near future.

Okay, I'm making stuff up because I am currently thinking about a girl named Scotch and how she's going to handle Obadiah grabbing her from behind and dragging her away from the school parking lot....

1) I don't know how unusual this is, but I'm writing a story based off of a private joke. I know I mentioned this before, I'm just so excited about it. I did an outline thing for the first time ever (practically) because ... Okay, I don't remember who, but someone (I think Palindrome/Hannah or Falen) said to try one so I did, and I'm already almost half-way through with the first draft. Woo-hoo!

Doesn't this story look amazing??

2) I talk about death and dying on a regular basis, and I kill people almost every day. Okay, not REAL people, people in my books. It's just fun to say that to people because they freak out and their eyes bug out like twenty feet.

Knives... Mwahahahaha... >:)

3) I like to say things just to see how people react. Is that usual?

4) I miss being able to vacuum with my one friend. :( We used to race and see who could finish first. I don't think many people miss vacuuming.

So Exciting! (Definitely a 4 on the E.o.M)

5) Uh... I only drink hot chocolate with crushed up candy canes melting inside.

You may hate it, but I LOVE it, Sonshine

There you have it. *bows* Many thanks to Falen who rocks my socks off.

This blog award will be handed on to:

Dangerous With a Pen, because she is hilarious and stylin'

Palindrome a.k.a Hannah, because of her dancing muse man, which makes me laugh every time

SonshineMusic, because without her I'd be dumped in a loony bin somewhere

Scrap a' Honest

2010-03-18T12:10:00.000-07:00

A long time go my sis SonshineMusic gave me:

Just a Scrap a' Honest

So here is the truth: I am very rarely embarrassed. I mean, there are times where I blush from awkward moments, but they pass so quickly that I hardly remember them. But I will try to come up with something. They will probably mostly be about the things I do that I know embarrass other people.

1) The way I eat my food. Apparently the way I eat bananas is disgusting. And when Sonshine and I went to London she was absolutely mortified to sit on the same bench as me while we ate croissants. (And for more stories of out adventures in London, keep an eye out on Sonshine's blog, because she said she would post something there. Mwahaha! Now she MUST do it.)

She is too far away for you to see her look of fright.

She is trying to find a way to escape, but she will find none.

2) A few weeks back, the father, Sonshine and I went to wal-mart in order to find food. Even though it was snowing enough to bury a large gnome. Hey, even a large Dwarf would probably be buried at this point. Anyway, so we were looking at frozen pizzas and I started singing "Home on the Range" while kicking my feet up in the air. One of the people who work there was staring at me. He looked like he was reaching for his walk-talki to call the police. Oh no you don't, buster. I will sing in the aisles if I want to.

I am dancing behind the camera, while everyone runs quickly away

3) Which reminds me of this picture. I am definitely embarrassed of this one.

Okay, there was definitely one where I looked worse

And I so felt like a hooker here. Ugh.

4) The way I am almost always shouting out embarrassing things. Like: “You have a wet shiny head!” Okay, I never shouted that one. But I was this close, which was bad enough. Just like the other day I almost said to someone with the last name ‘Saladino’ “Mmmm…. Salad.”

I am mad hungry right now. Mmm...

5) It’s embarrassing how close I am to being an overly large baby. Want the list?

a) Drink out of a sippy cup (not entirely my fault. We have to have covered cups if we eat int eh TV room, so I need some kind of lid and that's what we have. I could use a straw, but why should I waste one when I can just sip?)

b) I ramble on unintelligibly (just ask Sonshine. The other night I used like fifty words and none of them had anything to do with each other.)

c) The way I eat (as mentioned before)

d) I still whine like a baby (only sometimes when I'm really, really tired, but still.)

e) Uh... I think all dignity is gone at this point, but I'll stop here anyway, before it gets ridiculous.

f) Oh! And I drink milk as if tomorrow it will be outlawed and unavailable from even the non-law-abiding-peeps.

Mmm... Milk

6) While at work some older guy said something about: "I'm sure you girls know all of the cute single guys who come in through here." This is when I became aware that my face is WAY too easy to read, because the guys says, "Oh, ho! I can see she CAN think of all the single hot guys."

How I wished I could have named him a liar without becoming the very thing I wished to call him.

Okay, so I had the hardest time finding a good picture of

"Cute Christian Guys"

So I just got this picture, before realizing that it will sound like

I think Cute Christian Guys are Chickens.

I don't, okay? There were just not good cute guy pictures

I'm sure there's more embarrassing things that I do, or say, or have had happened to me, but this is all I can think of.

Oh. And I apologize for the lack of Retail Wednesdays. Last week was mid-terms, this week is Spring Break. Also, as soon as I decided to be on the look-out for wack-o people, they all disappeared. I'm getting annoyed at all of the super nice people coming in. what is wrong with them?

Yay or Nay?

2010-03-16T19:11:00.000-07:00

I have been a fan of Richard (in Lost, duh) for a long time, and have wanted a Richard-centric episode but now I started shouting: "No!! NO! No, no, no." Because I am convinced that if he has his episode, he will die. And with all these people running around with guns... :( He just might die. Sadness.

Okay, I know that is an absolutely terrible pic of him, but I felt weird putting up a palatable pic. I just hope he doesn't die next week, because that would be sad. :(

In Which I Feel Special

2010-03-07T15:38:00.000-08:00

Quite awhile ago Palindrome awarded me the Creative Writer Award. See?

Creativity!

And I tried doing this like, two weeks ago, but because I am a dunce I took pictures with a camera that didn't have a memory chip in it. It was Sonshine's camera and she can't find the cord to it, so I had to re-take the pictures, and I was just way to busy/tired/lame/lazy-bum to get up and actually re-do it, but no longer! Here is my post, and if it is long I apologize. But here they are,

Ten Things That Make Me Happy:

1) Inside jokes. I am currently writing a story solely based on an inside joke my friend and I have. It is so much fun to write.

Obadiah, Obadiah, Obadiah stalks my house

He is just a little creepy, and he squeaks just like a mouse

2) Glass bottles, putting together random flower/stick arrangements. Don't know why, but this makes me happy.

3) Plants! For the longest time I wanted a plant to sit outside my window, and now I have three. Here is one of them:

4) Keys:

The one to the Left is from the British Museum, the one on the Right my sis gave me for my 16th birthday.

5) Bangles. I just love bangles. Especially since Damaria came along (one of my story characters), who always shakes her wrists which are covered in bangles. Check 'em out:

One of these is not a bangle, but is in fact a super cool bracelet

that I am holding in ransom for one of my friends.

6) Clocks and London. These two things may not seem to go together, but in Trafalgar's Square I took this picture, and it always makes me happy.

Ahhh... London. I so want to go again.

7) Swishy Skirts:

The aren't very swishy in the picture, but they are in real life.

8) Rainy Days

9) Musicals. My sis and I just went to see Curtains at a local school, and it was so good! For reals, some of those actors are going to go on and by famous someday, I am sure of it. But one of my favorite musical soundtracks is based on the stories of Frog and Toad, and I want to be able to see it someday.

"Wave your hands in the air!"

10) Books. Duh.

*Angelic Voices*

And I nominate Joan Crawford for this award, and Falen, even though they probably have both received this award before. I also nominate Blam.

Yay!

And Falen gave me this one, which just makes me smile:

For this I nominate:

Shannon O'Donnell

Julie Dao

Eek.Eke

Even though I am newer to following their blogs, they have all proven themselves to be super sweet and sunshiney.

Anyway. Eventually I'll have another one of these kinds of posts, but for now, that is all.

Lame Retail Day

2010-03-03T09:48:00.000-08:00

Today I will tell two very lame stories, because I am not live enough right now to do much of anything (like type, I just made five errors in that sentence that I had to go back and fix).

First Lame Story:

A man is standing by the Bible and barks (like a dog) out to my co-worker:

"Where are your large-print Bibles?"

Co-worker: (remaining chipper) "Right behind you."

Man turns around, is STARING at the large print Bibles. "Where!" He barks again.

Co-worker (no longer so chipper and quickly becoming annoyed. What, am I some underbrush creature that you should bark at me like the dog you are?) walks over, points in front of the man's nose and says, "the large print Bibles are right there." It doesn't matter how many times you have to do something like that. It is ALWAYS awkward.

So the gentleman looks at the Bibles while my co-worker safely places herself back behind the registers. We think there will be peace and tranquility, but that's just silly, because we live in the World of Retail after all.

"Are theses all of your Bibles?" the man shouts (even though we're within whispering distance).

"Yes," I answer (because I fear for my co-workers safety.) "The Bibles we ordered haven't come in yet because of the snow." The man does not deign to look at me, kind of humphing to himself. (Yes, customers do not realize that having snow fall up to our ears, having to close two days in a row, and having no orders for three days, will affect the orders we receive.)

"Thank you," the man barks one more time and waddles out the door.

"Yes," my co-worker mutters, "we do have the Bibles, we just were hiding them from you."

This is where we hide Bibles and our Penance cards from customers.

Lame Story Two:

I am busy putting giant piles of books away. I am like my sister and enjoy looking like Gus while I carry books around. Although, most of the time I feel like I'm running away from an evil cat who is trying to steal my tail from me, and I don't even have a tail. Anyway, so I am putting books away (imagine that, actually doing my job?) and I hear a customer come in. He sounds vaguely familiar because we have a couple of regulars. I am not so familiar with the voice, though, that I jump up and chase him down and demand to know how he is doing. No. Instead I continue doing my job, putting books away in alphabetical order. When I am done I go back to the front of the store where the customer is looking at half-price books. He sees me. I see him. I smile friendly, but I am not paying much attention to him because my dad just texted me and it turns out he is there to pick me up and I am not even close to being ready to go.

The man chortles. Yes. Chortles. I thought that was a noise only babies were allowed to make, but not so. I give the man a questioning look. "Yes?" my questioning look is asking.

"So, I see you're hiding from me."

*Sigh* Can customers say more awkward things? I think not. It turns out this is the gentleman I met while working in Staples. I don't know what it was about Staples, but the building just drew the most bizarre people through its doors. It was like a bug trap. I ended up having conversations with strange and friendly artists, a jolly detective man, and then there was this customer, whom I had a lengthy debate about speaking in tongues with. Yup. Awkward. This man was a whole lot of awkward.

I smile in his general direction while I try to grab my coat while clocking out at the same time. I'm not even sure what I said, or how he responded, because I was running out the door. Garbage cans. He probably thinks I hate him. Who knows what he'll say next time I see him? Probably something along the lines of, "So, I see you were running from me?" Yes! I run from creepy people!

"Run! Run! Run!"

Which reminds me of another story. The day before Awkward Day I was all bundled up in my coat, my lunch bag and water bottle in hand, and my scarf wound around my neck. I am heading to the back to ask my boss a question real quick and a customer asks me: "Do you work here?" Uh, lady, whether I work here or not is irrelevant, because I am obviously not available to cater to your every need. I pointed her in the direction of my co-worker who was NOT bundled up like an eskimo, and the customer had the audacity to look miffed. Miffed? I'll show you miffed...

It is sad that "Karate Chops are Not Allowed"

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Theatre Thursday

Retail Wednesdays!

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Is Wish This Was Retail Wednesday :(

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In Which I Feel Special

Lame Retail Day

More Awards blushes